Archive for the ‘Mom’ Category

Saturn
March 21, 2010

Did you know that every time I see a little blue Saturn, I think it’s you? So I raise my hand and tap my brakes, hoping that maybe you’ll do the same and we’ll stop on this old country road just like we used to, talking until someone else passes through. But I always remember at the last second that you’re 3,000 miles away. Maybe it’s the rain, but something about today just reminded me of how much I miss you.

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Reasons Why Mom Will Never Win Mother of the Year
January 9, 2010

So I’m sitting at the kitchen table while my mom cooks lunch for the small army of high school kids that have piled into our house after sledding and playing on ATVs in the snow in our yard all day. My brother, always on the search for an easy meal, opens the freezer and spots my pint of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream.

“Hey, can I have some of your ice cream?”
“No! That’s my ‘I broke up with C—-‘ ice cream. Don’t touch it. I need it so that I can watch 10 Things I Hate About You later and drown my sorrows in five thousand calories of unbaked cookie dough and milk product because Mom won’t give me liquor.”

The normal response by a mother would be to say something comforting, to tell me that I’m a beautiful young woman and that C—- is making a huge mistake by ending our relationship just because he’ll be moving three hours away next fall while we both attend college. But my mother is no ordinary mother.

“What are you talking about?! There’s plenty of liquor in the liquor cabinet!”
“Mom, there’s whiskey and tequila and we don’t have anything to mix it with.”
“We have ice.”
“… You’re a bad influence.”